If 1969 has another significant meaning to me than the great same-named song by The Vines, it must be the year when he came into the world. If there’s a good turn from Indie obscurity into Mainstream success, it must be about his Oscar-nominated original soundtrack called ‘Miss Misery’. If a celebrity death could really make me cry anytime, it must be his heartbreaking stab on the always remembered date of October 21, 2003. And, if there’s an artist whom all the ‘If’s remind me of, he must be Steven Paul, often better known as Elliott Smith.

The city of Omaha, Nebraska, should be my favourite place in the states then, ’cause it’s where my only two favourite American indie musicians were born. However, the whole country is nice to me; from Texas, through California to Massachusetts, since they’re all where Elliott’s footprints were left. Call me crazy if you want to, but I’d say I love everything related to him, or I think that is related to him. As I love every song he ever made as well as every word I’ve read of him. It’s like, the shocking fact that he began using drugs at the age of 14 can never make me love him any less.

The story of Elliott Smith contains fear, surprise and finally tears. First being brought up by a divorced mother and a step-father, then moving and moving all over again seemed to effect on himself and his music pretty much. He graduated with a degree in philosophy and political science four years after applying for college just because of his girlfriend, who had broken up with him even before his first day. This surprising fact is just one of many many sad moments in his life, which then partly led to the melancholic themes covering almost all of his beautiful ballads. Similarly, the way he might choose to fade away was beautifully sunk into tears. His final note for everyone, “I’m so sorry – love, Elliott – God forgive me”, sounds as nice as he always expressed to be. Though it was actually the sharpest knife which made the never-healing wound in my heart.

From Roman Candle, his totally indie debut, to From A Basement on The Hill, the last album which was released after he had departed away, in every song he left a specific sign to prove that it’s by himself but no one else. And I like the way that all of them, like nice melodies on ‘Coming Up Roses’ or glamourous lyric on ‘Happiness’, impressed me. However, I’m going to talk about his seemingly most famous album, XO. It came out after his unexpected success of Either/Or and ‘Miss Misery’, and then became more successful than the two previous added. Yes, I’m talking about it, the album that made me write this.

I will always remember the day I first listened to ‘Waltz #2’. It should have been nothing, when a nice melody comes then goes. Yet the song actually has more than just a nice melody. I’m not refering to its cool waltzing drums, nor the gorgeous acoustic guitar nor anything else belonging to the sound, which should be mentioned in any song review. But the ideas in its lyric. How could he use nice words positively to make a sad story of his early life? And how could he still say nice words while telling the sad story of his early life? That not only makes me love him more and more for his personality, but also makes me think of myself. Sometimes we can’t hate a thing just because it seems to hate us. This reminds me of a friend, whose mom considered her daughter a big mistake and never treated her well enough – in her memory. No matter how she had hated her mom, and in spite of her merciless thought of the fact that her mom had been going to die, she cried lots and lots in her mom’s funeral – when she wasn’t seen. Well talk over it and back to Elliott. I love the sappy way he wrote “Stares into space like a dead China doll” – it’s interesting to have an idea of alive dolls right? Anyways… I often nearly cry when I listen to the bitter lines:

“Tell Mister Man with impossible plans to just leave me alone
In a place where I make no mistakes
In a place where I have what it takes…”

However “XO” is a fine term. Kiss and hug, he sent to his mom with all his heart though he’d never be going to see her again. “XO” shows his nice ideas in most of his – probably too sad, though – songs in the same-titled album, which ‘Waltz #2’ led me to. Despite the song’s breakthrough in the musical media, no one can deny the fact that it’s not really the best song off the recording, or on the other hand, many songs else are as good.

‘Sweet Adeline’, the opening song, is musically brilliant, especially the chorus. It’s pretty unintelligible lyrically though. Arguably it’s supposed to be about his parents’ divorcement, based on the first sentences – “Cut this picture into you and me…”. “Hate’ll say the ending that love started to stay” – no one can do better than Elliott. Sometimes it’s also thought to be about drugs helping him escape from depression, with such words as “Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head / or any situation where I’m better off than dead”. Anyway this is just utterly one of the best-pure-genius songs.

Although most of the songs on this album are very melodic and harmonic, I’d say that the catchiest song should be ‘Baby Britain’. Following ‘Waltz #2’, it helped much in XO’s success. The next ‘Independence Day’, ‘Bled White’ and ‘Waltz #1’ are absolutely rewarding as well. Then, right after the soft and slow ‘Oh well, Okay’, which is probably about his feeling of helplessness that he couldn’t aid the one he loved, we have the more powerful and electric ‘Bottle Up and Explode!’, that rose me up when I once fell into grief, like songs with melancholia mentioned in a beautiful way by Elliott Smith often do.

With the mild a-cappella ‘I Didn’t Understand’, visibly about his mood of worthlessness as well as regret after a break-up, and even more emotional with the vocal background, supposedly one of the saddest and most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard, the album ended in the best posible way. Still writing tuneful songs about melancholy in nice words, but with this Elliott Smith proved that he could make popular music which might become mainstream though sounds very indie, yet. All I can say about it is just I love it, simple as that, for its profound and glamour in all senses.

Dedicated to the Memory of Forever Missed Elliott…

Leaving all the significant artistic works, including the recordings that weren’t finished, you forever passed away from us after a time with signs of paranoia and things that a genius could get from the whole cruel life. It’s not your fault, Elliott, though you shouldn’t have suicided in any case. I slightly knew of you when you deceased, but a year after, I did; I didn’t blame myself for doing that late, just wanna say thanks to God or whomever let me know about your music. Because without it I probably couldn’t survive sometimes. It is influencing, inspiring, and, I’d say, powerful. It can make me cry anytime, so that itself can stop me then. It has an enormous meaning to mylife, and perpetually will. Thank you for making it and bringing yourself to me.

I have never got a chance to, but I promise you, and myself, that I will someday, go to Los Angeles where the tribute wall of Figure 8’s cover for you is located, and sign on it. That may not make sense to you, but it does to me. Because I know I need to do it.

God knows that you’ll forever be loved, endlessly be missed, and eternally remembered with all the best.

And he will send you these words, as you deserve them.

21 October 2003 — 21 October 2015